When duty calls: Managing bedtime while your partner is away

Fay is the Co-Founder of the Little Dreams Consulting Franchise, a network of sleep consultants across the UK, and a highly experienced sleep consultant, supporting families with evidence-based, compassionate sleep solutions. As a mum of two and a military spouse, Fay understands first-hand the realities of solo parenting and the impact this can have on family sleep. She is passionate about empowering parents with practical tools, confidence, and ongoing support - especially during life’s more challenging periods.

At Little Dreams Consulting, we support families through every stage of their sleep journey, using evidence-based approaches, compassionate guidance, and a deep understanding of real family life. Sleep doesn’t exist in isolation - it’s shaped by routines, emotions, relationships, and the realities parents are living day to day. For many of the families we work with, those realities include periods of solo parenting when a partner works away.

As part of a military family myself, solo parenting is something I’m very familiar with. My husband is in the RAF and has been for the last 18 years. There are times when he’s away for weeks and months on end. During those periods, I’m juggling everything on my own - including bedtimes, which can often feel like the hardest part of the day!

I know I’m far from alone in this. Whether your partner works away for the military, shift work, or any other reason, managing parenting - and sleep - solo can be incredibly challenging. When everyone is tired and emotions are running high, even the smoothest routines can feel fragile. Over the years, in addition to working with hundreds of families to help them all get more sleep, I’ve found a few strategies of my own that really help, and I wanted to share them in case they make things a little easier for you too.

Babies and young infants

If your baby is under a year old, bedtime is often the trickiest moment, especially when you’re doing it alone. At this stage, consistency really is your best friend. Having a calm, predictable bedtime routine that you can realistically stick to every evening can make a huge difference.

I always recommend keeping routines simple: perhaps some quiet play together downstairs, followed by around 20–30 minutes upstairs for a bath, pyjamas and a story. If you’re managing bedtime alone with more than one child, think about who needs to go to bed first. This might be an older child who has recently dropped a nap, or your youngest if they need an earlier bedtime. While you’re settling one child, the other(s) can have a short period of quiet play - it doesn’t need to be perfect.

Toddlers and pre-schoolers

Toddlers and pre-schoolers often struggle with understanding time, particularly when a parent is away. One simple but effective strategy that has worked brilliantly in our home is the ‘sweetie jar’.

When my husband is away, I fill a jar with the same number of sweets as the nights he’ll be gone. Each morning, the children take one sweet. When they reach the last one, they know daddy is coming home. It gives them something visual and reassuring to focus on - and it’s easy to adapt if plans change by adding or removing a sweet.

Another lovely idea for this age group is using a token. This could be a small toy or special object that stays with your child while their parent is away and is returned when they come home. It helps maintain that sense of connection during the separation.

Older children

For older children, clear communication is essential. They need to know when their parent or carer is going away and when they will return. Without this reassurance, children can sometimes worry that another parent might leave too.

Always take time for a proper goodbye. It can feel tempting to slip away quietly, but sneaking off often increases anxiety. This applies to everyday separations too - letting your child know you’re leaving, where you’re going, and when you’ll be back helps them feel safe and secure.

Helpful tips for any age

• If you have a Tonie Box or similar device, you can record yourself - or your partner - reading a favourite story. You don’t need special equipment; a simple voice recording on your phone works just as well.

• Be mindful of FaceTime calls too close to bedtime. While they can be lovely, they sometimes heighten emotions and make settling more difficult.

• Plan enjoyable distractions while your partner is away. Playdates, family time, or even a sleepover with friends can help take little minds off who they’re missing.

  
  

These strategies can make a real difference, but if your child finds it hard to settle independently or doesn’t yet have strong sleep skills, solo bedtimes can feel particularly tough. If that sounds familiar, please do get in touch. At Little Dreams Consulting, we’re here to support you in getting the rest you need - especially when you’re flying solo.

The Little Dreams Consulting family is growing and is looking for franchisees across the UK to join their successful team of sleep experts. To find out more, pop them an email at franchising@littledreamsconsulting.com for a (no obligation) chat.