The Military Spouse Behind the Camera (And Why She's Never In the Photos)

I spent seventeen years in the British Army. And when I had my son Oliver, I knew almost immediately that I couldn't stay in.

I didn't want to leave him behind.

So I got out, settled near my final base at Imjin Barracks, and built a photography business from scratch while my husband carried on serving elsewhere. Which meant I was doing the school runs, the dinner, bath and bedtime routine, the business admin, the emotional load - all of it. Every single day. And usually alone too.

Sound familiar?

If you're a military spouse trying to run a business (or perhaps just trying to keep your head above water), you already know the juggle I'm on about. You're not just building something. You're building it in the gaps. The in-between moments. Often on not enough sleep, with not enough support, all while also making sure the kids are OK and the house is still standing.

It's a lot. And most people around you have absolutely no idea.

The invisible parent problem

Here's something I've noticed, both in my own life and in the families I photograph.

Military spouse life means you spend a lot of time as the constant, the one holding everything together. You're the one at the school gate. You're the one on the adventures with the kids - soft plays, National Trust days out, play dates on the patch - trying to keep spirits up and make it all feel normal.

And what usually comes with that, is that you’re also the one taking all the photos.

Which means you're almost never in them.

There are whole chapters of Oliver's childhood where I basically don’t exist in our photos. Not because I wasn't there - I was there for all of it. But because I was always the one behind the camera. Sure, there are a bunch of selfies from our days out - arm’s length, one of us squinting. 

But it’s not the same thing as someone capturing genuine moments of you with your kids.

The chapter problem

Military life moves fast. Postings end. Kids grow. The backdrop of your family's life keeps changing - different houses, different patches, different communities - and then one day you look back and that whole period of your life is just gone.

Some patches have brilliant communities. Coffee mornings, multicultural events, toddler groups, a ready-made group of people who just get it. Others can feel incredibly isolating, especially if you're living off-patch, or you're new, or you're just not the type to slot in easily. And if English isn't your first language, or you've moved here from overseas, and you're figuring out a whole new country at the same time - it's even harder.

Either way, the time passes. And fast.

I know families who've been based somewhere for a couple of years and have almost nothing to show for it photographically. Not because they don't want to remember it - but because life’s so full-on and there's always something more urgent than booking a photoshoot to capture that time.

Or at least it feels like it.

You never quite know what's coming

This is the bit that's hardest to say out loud. But military families understand it better than most.

Time apart is just part of the deal. Courses, exercises, deployments - long stretches where it's just you and the kids and that relentless routine. And in the back of your mind, even if you never say it out loud, there's always the awareness that you don't know what's coming next.

When your partner deploys, you don't know exactly when you'll see them again. Plans change. Situations change. And whilst for most families it all works out perfectly fine - there's always that unspoken thing that sits quietly in the background.

Having photos of your family - recent ones, good ones, not just blurry phone snaps from Christmas two years ago - matters more than most people realise until it's too late to do anything about it. Photos your kids can look at. Photos that show who you all were at this point in your lives, the everyday moments, not just the big occasions.

You don't have to be in the middle of a war for that to feel true. The time apart is real regardless.

So what am I actually saying?

I'm Katie. I'm a veteran, a military spouse, and a family photographer based in Gloucester. I photograph maternity, newborn and family sessions from my studio in Longlevens - and I've been doing this long enough to know that the families who regret it are almost always the ones who kept putting it off.

If you're a military spouse reading this, you probably put yourself last most of the time. Your business, your kids, your partner, the house, the admin - all of it comes first.

A photoshoot isn't self-indulgent. It's evidence that you were here. That you showed up, every single day, and held it all together.

You deserve to be in the photos too.

You can find me at www.momentsbykatiemitchell.co.uk or come and say hello on Instagram @momentsbykatiemitchell. I'm based in Gloucester and work with families throughout Gloucestershire.